June 09, 2002
The Free Market Sports Fan
The Free Market Sports Fan Manifesto: In the first few weeks of this here 'blog, I tried out a number of slogans before settling on "commentary for the free market sports fan." The fact is, I really just sort of stumbled into it without thinking too much. All I really had was that I was a devotee of free market theory and how it applied to the way we organize society, as well as a fanatical follower of just about any sport. Hence the title.
But over the past few weeks, I've been toying with using my slogan to create just a little more, and who knows, perhaps create a little debate. I'd love to know what my readers think, if anything at all:
1. Athletes are not overpaid, they are simply paid a salary that owners can afford. If you believe that athletes are overpaid then stop: attending sporting events; purchasing lisenced merchandise; buying products advertised at sporting events, or on broadcasts of sporting events; and listening and watching sports on television and radio. Otherwise, quit your whining.
2. Division I college athletics are just a device to extract labor from young adults at below market value.
3. Thou shalt oppose the spending of public monies on sports stadia, unless your local owner chips in to pay for a significant amount of the expenditures on his/her own.
4. Thou shalt not propose to your girlfriend/boyfriend/potential domestic partner at the game for broadcast on the jumbotron. This is an important moment, so show some class.
5. Sports is an entertainment business like any other, and its success or failure is gauged in the same sort of fashion.
6. If the sport you love is not as popular as you would like, this is not because other fans are ignorant/racist/sexist, or homophobic. Consider the possibility that they may genuinely not like your favorite sport, or merely do not have enough time in their busy schedule to become adequately acquainted with it.
7. Thou shalt not boo any national anthem, ever. Well, except Saudi Arabia.
8. Thou shalt not harass fans of the opposing team in anything but a good natured way. Harassing the family of an athlete is verboten.
9. Thou shalt not cry when your team loses, nor take out your sorrow on friends, family or society at large.
9a. Despite this, reports of an increase in domestic violence on Super Bowl Sunday are an absolute crock.
10. Thou shalt not riot after your team wins. Be magnanimous in victory, because after all, you're just a fan, and you haven't won a damn' thing -- not even the right to act like an animal.
11. When I was a young man, I believed in the purity and sanctity of college athletics. Now that I am a man, and have put away childish things, I believe John Thompson.
12. Scholarship athletes who expend their athletic eligibility without earning a degree should be allowed to return to school for free to complete their education at any time.
13. Certain regulations that apply to college athletes should apply to collegiate administrators and coaches as well. For example, if an athlete needs to sit out a season after transferring, so should a coach. If you don't agree, it's time to change the rule.
14. Honor and celebrate the memory of those who sacrificed so much in sport to make our society a better place: Jackie Robinson, Curt Flood, Arthur Ashe, Martina Navratilova. Insert your favorite hero here.
15. Once in your lifetime, watch the following high school sports: Texas Football; Indiana Basketball; Minnesota Ice Hockey; Long Island Lacrosse.
16. If you only watch ice hockey once a year, make sure it's the night of the last game of the Stanley Cup Finals-- that way, you get to watch the Cup paraded around the ice at the end of the game.
17. A pretty girl is always a good reason to miss a game.
18. If it was ok for female athletes like Jennifer Capriati, Mary Lou Retton and Sara Hughes to become multi-millionaires before their 18th birthday, there isn't any reason why male athletes under 18 shouldn't be able to do the same.
19. College athletes ought to be paid. Period, close quote, end of sentence.
20. DH delanda est!
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