January 31, 2007
Meme Time: "If I were a hockey player."
Thanks to Jes Gőlbez for calling this to my attention.
If I Were a Hockey Player:
Team: Washington Capitals
Uniform Number: 17 (Clarkie would just have to give it up)
Position: Right Wing
Nickname: Big Mac
Dream Linemates: Bryan Trottier at center, Alex Ovechkin at left wing.
Rounding out the PP: Bobby Orr and Scott Stevens.
Job: King of the garbage goal. Penalty killer.
Signature Move: My lethal backhand.
Strengths: Clearing the puck out of the defensive zone on the penalty kill without shooting it into the crowd
Weaknessess: Too many to list.
Injury Problems? Back, groin.
Equipment: Jofa helmet, half-shield, Ulf Samuelsson-style. Easton aluminum stick.
Nemesis: Eklund.
Scandal Involvement: I am so on board with Chelios and the NHLPA rebels.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: The Chicago Blackhawks. They were the best fans in the Western Conference once and they will be again.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Parade it down the main drag of my hometown on Long Island. It would probably be the only chance they'll ever have to see the Cup again.
Would the media love me or hate me? The local bloggers would have me on the bus to Hershey every weekend.
No worries on the tagging -- everybody is welcome to climb on board.
UPDATE: Do you have answers of your own? Send them to me by email and I'll include them after the jump. I see Earl Sleek has already jumped into the fray. Also, check out Murph at Islanders Army.
Reader Bill Walsh chimes in...
Team: Caps
Uniform Number: 11 (Close to 12, which should be retired, and Esa Tikkanen)
Position: Right Wing
Nickname: Hard to say. All hockey nicknames seem to follow the -s or -y formula, and that doesn't really work with my name. So, maybe something dippy like B-Dub?
Dream Linemates: Gretzky and Paul Tetsuhiko Kariya. There might not be enough pucks, though.
Rounding out the PP: Teemu Selänne and Paul Coffey.
Job: Mad bomber.
Signature Move: Sneaky shot.
Strengths: Scoring.
Weaknesses: Many. Getting back on defense.
Injury Problems? Bad ankles
Equipment: Jofa helmet with visor. Seriously curved stick.
Nemesis: Clutchers and grabbers.
Scandal Involvement: When I was just a baby, my mother told me, "Son, always be a good boy, and don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Would love to beat the Wings, but I'd love to play the Hawks in front of an insane, screaming-through-the-National-Anthem crowd at the United Center.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Goin' back to K-Town, baby. See if I can beat Jeff Halpern back to MoCo with one...
Would the media love me or hate me? They'd love my quotes, and so would have to tactfully write around my various deficiencies...
Mike Thompson
Team: Avs
Uniform Number: 31 (After Michel Plasse of the Colorado Rockies)
Position: Goaltender
Nickname: Bam-Bam (for the likelihood of goals to come in bunches)
Dream Linemates: How about my preferred D-pair in front of me...lets go with Scott Niedermayer and Bobby Orr
Rounding out the PP: Up front...Joe Sakic, Chris Drury, and Peter Stastny
Job: Sieve.
Signature Move: Mongoose-quick poke check.
Strengths: Looking great in net.
Weaknesses: Double-digit GAA
Injury Problems? Groin and concussions
Equipment: Custom mask with beautiful samurai paint job and gloves that may or may not be NHL-spec!
Nemesis: Crease-crashers and Swedish forwards with sick handle.
Scandal Involvement: I met a woman on a train who shot me in the stomach after I told her I was going to be the greatest there ever was. Then she jumped out of a window. She didn't die though, she just sold her story to the scandal rags and made a tidy profit.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Gotta go with the Red Wings on this one.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Bring the chalice back to the OKC, party in Bricktown, drink sweet tea out of the Cup!!
Would the media love me or hate me? It would be a love/hate relationship!! I'd institute a word-of-the-day policy: Use the word-of-the-day in the article or no quote. Some words for 'em: appendectomy, aluminum siding, scrumtrelescent.
Pete Flanigan
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins
Uniform Number: 27 (probably equal to the number of points I would get)
Position: Right Wing
Nickname: The Irish Sniper
Dream Linemates: Mario Lemieux at center, Kevin Stevens at left wing (my favorite Penguin growing up).
Rounding out the PP: Paul Coffey and Ulf Samuelsson
Job: Assist man, penalty killer
Signature Move: Shot off the end boards to a streaking winger
Strengths: Stickhandling and ice vision.
Weaknessess: Stays out of the corners
Injury Problems? Lower back
Equipment: CCM helmet, Bauer Custom Supreme 3000 skates (old school), easton stick
Nemesis: Stevie Y.
Scandal Involvement: Taking away the girlfriends of the Steelers players
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Calgary Flames, that looks like an incredible playoff environment
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: I would throw a major bash in upstate NY. Maybe a little pool action a la Tommy Barrasso is in order.
Would the media love me or hate me? Love me at first and then look for ways to trade me to the Islanders for a bag of potatoes.
Patrick Hancock
Team: Dallas Stars (Quebec no longer exists)
Uniform Number: 76
Position: Goaltender
Nickname: Patrick “Swiss Cheese” Hancock
Dream linemates: Dmen – Scott Stevens & Kevin Hatcher
Rounding out the pp: Guy Carboneau, Messier and Crosby
Job: Stopper of Rubber
Signature Move: outlet pass tape to tape
Strengths: being scary big in net (6’8”)
Weakness: vision (blind as a bat without glasses)
Equipment: Old school hockey gear with modern day mask
Scandal Involvement – On again, off again romance with married Hollywood actress and model while she is still married to old, over the hill husband
Who I’d face in the Stanley cup: Montreal (just to much history to not want to play)
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Keep it away from Pantera (lol, lol) Seriously, I would parade it up and down the city streets of Lubbock, TX
Would the media love me or hate me?: Despise me because my blogging is better than any story they can write!
Rob Yunich
If I Were a Hockey Player:
Team: Washington Capitals
Uniform Number: 33 (for Don Beaupre and that Roy guy)
Position: Goalie
Nickname: The Wall
Dream Linemates: Since I'm in goal, I'd pick a defensive pairing of Rod Langway and Bobby Orr.
Rounding out the PP: Peter Bondra, Dale Hunter, and Steve Konowalchuk
Job: Stopping tons of shots -- and scoring a few empty netters too
Signature Move: The Bodacious Butterfly
Strengths: Making the opponent think they'll never score -- and having a great mask
Weaknesses: high, blocker side
Injury Problems? a series of "lower body" injuries
Equipment: Custom helmet, pads and glove to match, TPS stick with my name at the end and a great taping job
Nemesis: Matthew Barnaby
Scandal Involvement: Trying to be the first goalie to officially captain a team.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: The Detroit Red Wings. Still seeking revenge from the Caps' one appearance in the finals.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Bring it to my old high school since they don't see many real trophies there. And of course take tons of pictures of my name on the Cup.
Would the media love me or hate me? Love me, of course, since I'd be king of the soundbite.
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